why does my husband always criticize me
We arrived @ our holiday destination yesterday. things have been bad for quite some time now. My wife has no interest in me what so ever. No love, no words of affection, no praise for anything and I mean anything and no sex for over 3 years. We have young children and live a hectic life style. My wife chooses to make things more complicated in our lives and non existent relationship, by adding to our already over prescribed life style, and taking on challenges that puts even more pressure on our children and I. It could be that she needs to prove to herself that she can still do the things that she does or it could be that she wants to prove it to others. Either way! She has my support and understanding, and on no occasion have I ever challenged or denied her anything. Mistake! Why? Because all I get it criticism and spoken to as if I were a child and not a man! I only have to give an opinion or light suggestion and its as if Im inviting her to pick fault or calling her out to combat. What ever the reason or topick, regardless of experience, knowledge or just about anything, IM ALWAYS WRONG :(
If only she realised what she was doing to me. Correction, done to me. There isn't a day when I don't think of ending it all, especially when driving down country lanes. It would look like an accident :) My wife and family would get the insurance, the mortgage would be paid off and hopefully the children wouldn't grow up thinking I resenting me for leaving them. If only it was so simple, what a get out of jail free card that would be. Oh yes of course, how about the wife? I honestly don't think she would give a s--t. If she had any compassion or feelings towards me, she wouldn't be so critical or resentful of me. YES, Resentful! Why don't I. Because I don't won't to leave my children with her, thats why!!! I love them to much, and I look at my suffering as a penance for what ever I may have done in a past or present life. Do I love my wife. YES Do I want it to work. YES Do I make an effort.
YES Does she love me. She can't, you don't treat the people you love with contempt. Is she damaged. YES she has to be, because if she wasn't that would make her a bully and not a very nice person. signs of feelings towards me. YES contempt Remarks about my weight caused me to practically starve myself and as a result I have gone from a 44 waist to a 35. Rather than praise me and give me some of my self esteem back, she said See aren't your happy now that I went on at you, don't you feel better. No well done or motivation speeches, or Im so proud of you or lets have sex. Nothing! She took all the credit. Well you know what, I still want to kill myself. Why? because theres only so much a man can take. I thought coming away might help, but she's relentless. Read so many articles on this matter to help me better understand whats going on with her or me or the kids or, just about everything. Nothing seems to work, which can only mean she doesn't want it to. Some people just like to have someone they can off load on. I just happen to be that person along with so many other people, men and woman alike. Who is it that said you hurt those closest to you? Idiot! Now look what you've done. Put more ideas into her head, given her an excuse. Wish I had one of those, but Im not sure what i have done to need one. Maybe I should ask the wife, she seems to know everything. Not afraid of going to Hell anymore, that would be a walk in the park compared to whatever this is. Its only a matter of time now before she decides Im totally useless to her and tells me its over. I could write and keep on writing but I won't do that to you. Instead i will leave you with this thought. You are not alone, this is happening to people all over the world, regardless of culture or belief. We are many, yet we stand alone. Frequently criticising your partner or being criticised by them can create a lot of tension in your relationship. It can make you feel like youÁre constantly under attack or as though nothing you do is good enough.
A person being constantly criticised is likely to find it hurtful and demoralising and may grow to resent the person doing the criticising. á If you find criticism has become an issue in your relationship, itÁs important to nip it in the bud before the problem becomes any worse. Sometimes, criticism is overt, taking the form of comments or gestures that are clearly intended to rile or hurt the person theyÁre directed towards - saying things like ÁYouÁve put on weightÁ or Áyou look tired todayÁ. And sometimes criticism can be more subtle or passive-aggressive, directed through sarcasm or comments ostensibly made as jokes. If youÁre struggling with criticism in your relationship, you may want to consider the following: DonÁt retaliate. If your partner makes a negative comment towards you, simply throwing one back at them will only add fuel to the fire. If necessary, take a moment to let the urge subside. Speak to them gently but directly. Tell them how it makes you feel to be criticised. You may want to consider using ÁIÁ phrases (ÁI feelÁ, ÁI would likeÁ) rather than ÁyouÁ phrases (Áyou alwaysÁ, Áyou donÁtÁ). This way, youÁre taking responsibility for your own feelings and your partner wonÁt feel like youÁre attacking them. á Think about any issues behind the criticism. á It's not an effective way to go about it, but criticism can be a way of expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship. If youÁre being honest with yourself, would you say there are areas in your behaviour that could be better? Talk about any problems openly and honestly. Again, donÁt phrase your comments as attacks Á but rather as genuine attempts to understand what is going wrong. If you need help with this, you may like to. Of course, there will come times when you feel itÁs legitimate to tell your partner you think theyÁre doing something wrong. In these cases, itÁs good to try to phrase your points as ÁfeedbackÁ rather than ÁcriticismÁ.
Try to make your approach a constructive one so your partner doesnÁt feel like youÁre trying to get at them. Focus on the situation or action, not the person. Instead of simply accusing your partner, comment on the consequences or context. I. e. instead of saying ÁYou never want to go out anymoreÁ, say ÁI feel like we havenÁt been out in a while. Would you like to go to the cinema next Saturday? Á Focus on the positive as well as the negative. Remind them of what you like as well as what you donÁt. ÁI really enjoy spending time with your friends, but I think it would be nice to doing something together this weekendÁ instead of ÁWe always hang around with your friends! IÁm sick of it! Á Share how it has affected you. Again, a case of not phrasing your comment as an attack. ÁWhen I feel like the bad guy in front of the kids, it makes me feel put outÁ, rather than ÁStop making me look like the bad guy! Á. Learn to take feedback yourself. If your partner is giving you feedback, itÁs important to try to take it in a constructive spirit. DonÁt assume your partner is trying to hurt your feelings Árather, listen to what they have to say and think seriously about whether they have a point. When is criticism abuse? If your partner is constantly trying to control you through their behaviour or makes you feel intimidated by their comments, this is a form of emotional abuse and you should seek professional help. If youÁd like to talk to someone about this, our trained counsellors are available for free via our service. Or you may like to confidentially book an appointment with us by calling 0300 100 1234 or searching for your. Need more support? If you're worried aboutá your relationship, we can help. Find out aboutá You can talk to a trained Relate counsellor for free using our Book a counselling session at yourá or by callingá 0300 100 1234.
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why does my husband constantly criticizes me