why does my husband hate me when he drinks

Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph. D. was in private practice for more than thirty years. He is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the states
My husband is mean and verbally abusive to me when he drinks. б Insultsб belittling and very hurtful things come out of his mouth. I actually am so appalled that I freeze while his bitter insults act like knives that are stabbing me. He uses sadness and losses in my life as weapons against me. He tells me how he was so much happier before he met me and that I am a terrible mother and that everyone thinks that I am not good enough for him. Are these his true feelings that are coming out when he drinks? It is important to state that individuals react differently to alcohol. There are people who become happy drunks. They are people whose aggression is not released when they are drinking, even if they may become more outgoing. The way a person reacts to alcohol seems to depend on such things as their genetics, constitution, neurological system, and many other imponderable factors. In contrast to those who are the happy drunks are those who become rageful when they are drinking. How quickly they become rageful also varies according to the same variable factors mentioned above. For some, rage can begin after one drink while for others, it may take many drinks. For those who experience this release of aggression after drinking the speed of the onset of their belligerence may depend on their recent mood and stress level. Hear from others about their struggles with loved ones whoб change under the influence of alcohol. In the recent months, we have received plenty of questions and comments about alcohol abuse.


All of the posts mention feelings of shock about the way the writers have been treated by their spouse or significant other when they have been drinking. In many of the cases, writers ask i f it is true that alcohol consumption can cause personality changes and if the rageful comments made by the inebriated individual can be true. They are unable to remember what they were doing while drinking. For those individuals, the memory of their obnoxious behavior seems to be and probably is erased. There is a marked inability to resist the impulse to drink and, in fact, to look forward to or think about drinking all during the day. These symptoms are often accompanied by not only denial but downright anger if someone, a wife, mother, friend, point out that they have a drinking problem or should stop or go for help. The angry denial is interesting because those doing the pointing out or advising mean well and are not trying to be insulting. The average person might react by admitting they are drinking too much and will reduce or stop the drinking, but without getting angry because they do not feel a need to be annoyed. The heavy drinker, seemingly unaware of what is happening, become furious, resentful and enraged. These are only a few of the symptoms that a person with drinking. A few other symptoms are: Drinking early in the morning. Experiencing a craving for alcohol. Hiding bottles or drinking secretly so that family will not know what is happening. One of the most dangerous factors involved in drinking, besides the well-known one about the dangers of drinking and driving, is mixing alcohol consumption with medications.


For example, it can be dangerous to use benzodiazepines (, etc) with alcohol. The reason is that all of these, including alcohol, are central nervous system depressants. As such, they can suppress breathing and cause death. If a person is abusing benzodiazepines and alcohol, there is an even more acute danger of death. In my opinion, things said by a drunk while they are drunk, should not be taken seriously. For those individuals, the release of aggression is so powerful, after they have started drinking, that their comments and behavior are irrational. I am aware of the ancient Roman saying that In vino veriatas. I do not agree that what is said while drinking is truth. If you suspect or even question if you have a drinking problem it is important to go for. Among the types of help available are: Alcoholics Anonymous, Rational Recovery, Detox and additional treatment programs and now there is even medication that, after recovery, can remove the impulse or craving to drink. What are your comments about this important issue? Allan N. Schwartz, PhD Huge question here - maybe not even a question more of venting because I'm lost, confused, and not sure what to do. Hey all - I'm a FTM here. When we found out in Feb. we were expecting my husband seems excited and overjoyed! And since them he's been great! Helping around the house, making it to all doctors appointments rather he's needed at them or not and being very active in this. However, he has be problem with drinking - which he'd never admit - OR actually he has when he's sober and able to talk reasonable.


He doesn't drink often until recently the past 3 weekends he's drank and gotten sloppy drunk in which I become the target of anger. He'll cuss me, tell me I have issues, call me names, etc. Just last night he came home from a day of fishing DRUNK - went straight to the fridge and grab another beer and kept drinking. I was crying and he just told me I was overreacting etc. I said I just want to spend time with my husband (we hardly spend time together) he's always making plans with his friends instead of me - it's very hurtful and we talked about everything last week and I thought we had an understanding. - until yesterday. When he got home at 6 hours AFTER he originally said he'd be home he was DRUNk and then lit into me (I was just sitting on the couch minding my business - wasn't even going to argue - no senese when he's like that. ) He then told me he'd rather hang out with his friends then me AND when given the opportunity to be with them he's choosing his friends over me! WHAT!?!? Needless to say - I was so hurt, upset, and want out of the stressfull situation so I packed my bag and went to my parents for the night. As I left I got text messages telling me I was bull**** etc. This isn't the first time - Last summer (we've both teachers) I dealt with him drinking DAILY!!! and while it has gotten better - I'm terrified of what the summer is going to bring!! I am thinking about leaving him - at 4 month pregnant too!! This isn't the way it's suppose to be!

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