why does my husband keep accusing me of cheating
If your husband has wrongfully accused you of cheating, you have every right to be upset. But it s not just upsetting. It also displays a lack of trust can cause you to feel helpless because you re defending yourself for no reason and can eat away at the foundations of your relationship. So what should you do about it? Why Would Your Husband Accuse You of Cheating When You re Not? Firstly, you need to figure out why your husband is accusing you. In some cases, a man may invent a fictional affair because it benefits him to do so. Other times, a man may genuinely believes his wifePisPcheating and even feels that he has evidence. This is called a delusion. There is a lack of trust in the relationship. PIf something has happened in the past (, for example) then this can cause trust issues. Insecurity. P
This can be for a number of reasons. Maybe your partner has been in relationships, and is now putting his trust issues (unfairly) on you. PPerhaps HE has cheated on a partner in the past, and thinks that everyone does it. PWhatever the reason, anP is, and probablyPisn t mature enough for marriage. Misperceptions or delusions due to mental illness. P As, humans can sometimes draw the wrong conclusions from external events. At the lower levels, this is a false belief, but it can develop into a full blown delusion. Mental conditions that lead to delusions can include depression, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Over-sensitivity. P Some men over-analyze every little smile flirt or innocent conversation and invent stories to explain them. He isPlooking for a reason to divorce you. If a man wants to end a marriage, but feels he needs a reason to do so, he may try to convince himself that you are cheating. This gives him an out that no-one can argue with and makes him look like the good guy. Sadly, there s another possibility: or thinking about having one. Psychologically, a partner who is considering cheating may try to justify it by making up reasons to think that you are doing it too.
It can also cause you to become confused and feel like YOU have done something wrong. Which hides the fact that your husband is cheating. As By accusing you they blind you to the truth of their behaviours. If this is the case, or you suspect it could be the reason, it s time to have a chat with your husband. But always keep in mind: if they won t listen or seem to notP want to listen this is a strong indication that the relationship just isn t going to surviveP(or needs a huge amount of work). But, also keep in mind that this is not the ONLY reason why your husband may accuse you of cheating. So don t make the same mistake of accusing him back without taking some time to calm down first! Here s a simple hack you can use if you re asking My husband accused me of cheating what should I do? If, after following these steps, your husband still won t stop accusing youP there s a bigger problem. Ultimately, no-one can force anyone else to think something. If he won t accept that you re not cheating even after you ve taken his concerns seriously, this is a sign that either he is cheating, is too insecure for a marriage or is trying to get out of the relationship. You shouldn t spend your married life continuously trying to prove you haven t cheated. That s no way to live. So, take a hard look at your relationship and whether your husband s accusations are making it unbearable. Have you been wrongfully accused of cheating by your husband? How did you feel when it happened? And do you agree with the advice in this post? Let us know in the comments section. Dear Ms. Vicki, I read your article about women who are. My husband of 20 years is the obsessive checker. P I had always left my purse out, my phone lying around, and my Facebook account was not a secret.
However, when I caught him going through my things, he broke that trust. He was no longer allowed access to my personal things, but he did not stop. He continued full force. So I made the decision that if he was going to continue to go through my things and he was looking for something to find, then I would put something there for him to find. I opened up two credit cards and used them for various things. Some things were spent on me, some on my kids, my family and my sister who needed help at the time. It may not have been my best decision, but I was so tired of listening to him say how he deserved his fancy sports car then listen to him preach about our finances while he was going through my things behind my back. He accused me of cheating, went through my cell phone records, and contacted people I knew to ask questions about me. He made sure that any friends of mine became his friends as well. He criticizes me constantly, putting me down and calling me names. He has grabbed me, cornered me, intimidated me. He threatened on Christmas Eve to kick me out of the house. I had myself shut up in the bathroom and he was beating on the door yelling at me, telling me to get out. He wanted me gone by 4 p. m. We had a neighbor's child in our home, along with our own children. I was very fearful of him and what he would do that day. I called his first sergeant and his command removed him for the night. He blames me. We have had many other situations -- situations that should have involved the police, but I feel frozen. I don't want my children to be damaged by his actions, but at the same time, I don't want them damaged by the horrible memories of police coming to our door. P I go to counseling once a week. It helps to an extent. After six weeks, I keep coming back to the fact that I am in an abusive relationship and I need to start making hard decisions.
Sincerely, At the End of My Rope Dear End of the Rope, This marriage is about power and control. Your husband is emotionally abusive. He is using the children to make you feel guilty. He uses male privilege (he deserves everything but you don't deserve anything). He intimidates you and he wants to isolate you. You did something right: You reached out for help from others. I'm happy you are working individually with a therapist. This has been a long-term problem that won't be solved overnight. It will take time for your husband to change. On the other hand, when anyone changes, the system will change. Because of this, it is important for you to continue in therapy. You have to learn more about you and ways that you could have enabled your husband's behavior. Your change will add change to your family and marriage. Now here's the kicker: Your change and insight could help you realize that your marriage is over. If that's the case, you should start making plans to move forward with legal advice. Lastly, any kind of abuse is serious. I am very concerned about you because from your report you are in fear of your personal safety, even your life! For this reason, I don't think you should live in the same house with your husband until the following things have happened: Your husband should admit that he has a problem and that he is willing to work on changing his behavior today. You should have a safety plan established (e. g. , who will you call in the case of an emergency and where will you and your children go for shelter and safety). After a 20-year marriage, you may want out, but it's your natural proclivity to try and work it out and try to save your marriage. You have to make sure you are not setting up the same relationship patterns. Please let me hear from you. Thank you for reading the column and for taking the time to write to me. Sincerely, Ms. Vicki
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